What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
"I need to re-wine my life."
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.