"Back that glass up."
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
"I mead more wine."
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.