What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
I love you from my head tomato
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!