How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.