What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
"Great minds drink alike."
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.