Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.