A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
"Back that glass up."
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn