“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Time to celery-brate.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.