Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.