Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
We’re a perfect mash.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!