A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.