How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web