What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
"You're the wine that I want."
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
I love you a tot!