What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
I yam what I yam.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
Keep calm and carrot on.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers