Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
I need to take this picture for my instayam
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
You and I make a deluxe combo.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again