My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds