So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.