Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!