I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
"Be kind, re-wine."
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
"Partners in wine."
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
"Here for the right riesling."
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.