What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
Join us for a slice of fun.
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!