A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.