What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”