Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.