The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
"Be kind, re-wine."
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.