When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.