What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
One should always practice what they peach.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork