When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
"Here for the right riesling."
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.