If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
"You're the wine that I want."
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”