Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.