What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.