How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
I think therefore I yam.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.