What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
I yam what I yam.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
"Adulting makes me wine."
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
I love you a tot!
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.