The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.