My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!