What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!