If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen