If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.