What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.