Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
"Read between the wines."
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.