The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
"Sip, sip hooray."
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.