Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
"I mead more wine."
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.