Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.