When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.