The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
Time to celery-brate.
I love you a tot!
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.