This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.