If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.