When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.