I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
"Here for the right riesling."
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”