The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Donut even think about taking another donut!
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.