What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.