What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.