Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
I need to take this picture for my instayam