What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.