Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
"It's wine o'clock."
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
Time to celery-brate.
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
"I make pour decisions."
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.