"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.