What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
"Sip happens."
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.