Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
"You're the wine that I want."
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it