Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.