Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.