Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad