Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
"Stop and smell the rosé."
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.