If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
You and I make a deluxe combo.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
"Love the wine you're with."
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
I love you a tot!
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.