When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
"Read between the wines."
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.