Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".