What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.