Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Time fries when you’re having fun!
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?