Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
I think therefore I yam.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"