What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
"Love the wine you're with."
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....