Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.