During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.