What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
"Here for the right riesling."
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.