My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
This foundation is rock salad.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
Is beef soup good for our health? Not if you are the cow.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.