What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.