What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
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Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
You and I make a deluxe combo.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
Time to celery-brate.
"Back that glass up."
"Love the wine you're with."
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.