Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
You don't know jack-o-lantern
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
"Alcohol you later."
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.