What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
"Love the wine you're with."
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.