The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.