How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
You and I make a deluxe combo.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!