What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!