What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.