Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
Everybody romaine calm.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
We’re a perfect mash.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
"Partners in wine."
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.