Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.