What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
"Great minds drink alike."
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”