What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!