A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
"You can't sip with us."
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !