Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Patient: "Nurse im suffering from bacon disease!" Nurse: "Baloney"
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
"It's wine o'clock."
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Keep calm and carrot on.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.