What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.