If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.