Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.