What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
"Read between the wines."
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
"I mead more wine."
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.