Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
---
What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
Is beef soup good for our health? Not if you are the cow.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”