What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.