What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
"I need to re-wine my life."
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.