An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.