What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.