I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.