What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.