Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.