Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
Is beef soup good for our health? Not if you are the cow.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
"Sip happens."
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming