Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
I hope for world peas.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
I yam what I yam.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.