Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.