What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.