I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
This foundation is rock salad.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
"Great minds drink alike."
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
"You can't sip with us."
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!