What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
I love you a tot!
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.