Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
"Love the wine you're with."
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.