"You can't sip with us."
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
"I need to re-wine my life."
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.