My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.