Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.