Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
"It's wine o'clock."
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!