What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
"Great minds drink alike."
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
We’re a perfect mash.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.