Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Everybody romaine calm.
One should always practice what they peach.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.