What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
"Say you'll be wine."
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.