The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
"You're the wine that I want."
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.