Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!