Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!