What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.