Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
"Alcohol you later."
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!