What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.