"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
"You're the wine that I want."
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.