What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.