I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
"Sip happens."
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."