What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.