I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".