Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
I love you from my head tomato
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!