Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.