What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.