What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday