My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
"On cloud wine."
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
"Adulting makes me wine."
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.