Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.