What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
"I mead more wine."
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.