What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
"On cloud wine."
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.