The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.