What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”