How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.