Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!