A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
One should always practice what they peach.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
"Be kind, re-wine."
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.