Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
"Say you'll be wine."
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
"Time to wine down."
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
"Alcohol you later."
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.