What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?