“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
"You can't sip with us."
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.