"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.