What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
"I make pour decisions."
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
"It's wine o'clock."
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
"Sip, sip hooray."
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!