I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
Time to celery-brate.