At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.