What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.