Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
"On cloud wine."
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
"Will you accept this rosé?"
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!