The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
You and I make a deluxe combo.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.