How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
You and I make a deluxe combo.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
"I need to re-wine my life."
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.