Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.