What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.