Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.