Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Go to BabaMail
