I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
New electric trains will run on conductors.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
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