Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Go to BabaMail
