I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
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