How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
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