What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
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