What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
New electric trains will run on conductors.