Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
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