Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
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