What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Go to BabaMail
