I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
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