Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
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