I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive