What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.