Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
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