What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
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