What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
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