A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
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