What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
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