A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
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